Dating Violence Scenario

Green Dot Booster Session Review: Green Dot teaches Aggie faculty/staff and students to be aware of potential violence around them and provides the skills, strategies, and tactics to use the power of peer influence to intervene appropriately and safely in high-risk situations. Green Dot teaches how to become an active bystander when acts of power-based personal violence are witnessed. <center> Continue with the review: [[Red dots]] Skip to Story: [[Dating Violence]]

Red Dots A red dot is a moment in time where someone’s words, choices, or actions contribute to or tolerate violence in some way. Even when a bystander witnesses a situation of potential violence, but walks away and does nothing — that moment of inaction is a red dot. Categories of red dots that are the focus of Green Dot are explained below. Power-Based Personal Violence: A form of violence where the primary motivation is to use power, control and/or intimidation to harm another. This includes sexual harassment, dating violence, domestic violence, intimate partner violence, sexual assault, stalking, bullying, hazing, child abuse, and elder abuse. It includes the use of alcohol and other drugs as tools of incapacitation or inhibition during any of these acts. These acts are committed by strangers, friends, acquaintances, intimates, or any other person known or unknown to the individual being harmed. Sexual Violence: Any sexual contact that lacks consent and/or capacity to give consent. Includes all forms of sexual assault, including forcible fondling, rape and attempted rape, and incest Domestic Abuse/Violence: Any act of violence, attempted or threatened act of violence between current or former spouses, individuals who share a child in common, individuals who are living or have lived with each other as spouses or intimate partners, or anyone who causes harm to an adult or child in violation of domestic violence or family violence laws. Dating Abuse/Violence : Any act of violence, attempted or threatened act of violence between individuals who are involved or have been involved in a social relationship or romantic or intimate nature, including sexual or dating relationship. Domestic violence and dating violence include sexual assault, stalking, physical abuse, economic or emotional abuse including behaviors that are intended to intimidate, manipulate, humiliate or isolate. It also includes acts or threats against family members, friends, pets and property. Stalking: Course of conduct targeted at an individual or group that would cause a reasonable person to feel afraid or emotionally distressed. Examples include following, Facebooking, texting, calling, unwanted letters, gifts, etc. <center> Continue with the review: [[Green Dots]]

Morgan has been telling Kai about someone they’ve been seeing named Alex. The relationship is still in the beginning stages and Morgan is over-the-top excited about it. Morgan mentions how nice and sweet Alex is, and how they even open the car door for them. Kai is super excited for Morgan. After a couple weeks, Kai starts to notice little changes in Morgan, like declining their study sessions and not wanting to hang out as much. Kai brushes this off because they think Morgan is just hanging out with Alex. <center>[[Continue: Shopping]]</center>

Green Dots A green dot symbolizes a single moment in time that can be used to end perpetration or support victims of power-based personal violence. Green dots are divided into two categories: proactive and reactive. Proactive green dots are things people can do to prevent power-based personal violence from ever happening in the first place. Reactive green dots are things people can do to intervene in a red dot situation. <center> Continue with the review: [[Reactive Green Dots]]

Reactive Green Dots Reactive green dots are performed through the 3 D’s: direct, delegate, distract. Direct: Do something yourself. Ask someone to stop what they are doing, or check on someone you might be worried about. Delegate: Ask someone else to get involved. Ask friends of either of them to help; talk to a trusted RA, coach, faculty or staff member, or trusted peer. Tell the bartender or ask a family friend to check-in. Leave an anonymous note for the team captain or Greek advisor. Distract: Think of a distraction that will diffuse the situation or calm things down in the moment. A distraction might be “accidentally” spilling a drink, asking to borrow the phone of someone who is in a risky situation, asking for a ride, or starting an unrelated conversation. <center> Continue with the review: [[Barriers]]

Barriers A barrier is anything that prevents a person from wanting to intervene in a red dot situation. Personal barriers: being introverted, afraid of a physical escalation or retaliation, feeling unsure, or not wanting to make a scene or potentially embarrassing yourself Relationship or social barriers: not wanting to break an unspoken rule in your group, being perceived as a snitch, or feeling uncomfortable confronting a buddy <center> Continue with the review: [[Proactive Green Dots]]

Proactive Green Dots Proactive green dots are things we can do to begin stopping red dots before they even start. They begin to reset campus norms and make it clear that: <ol><li>Sexual assault, dating violence, and stalking are not okay.</li><li>Everyone is expected to do their part.</li></ol> <center> Start the story: [[Dating Violence]]

A couple weeks go by and Kai and Morgan are out shopping at Target. Kai mentions that a certain shirt would look so good on Morgan. However, Morgan refuses and states that Alex wouldn’t like them going out in that shirt. Kai becomes a bit confused because this shirt was Morgan’s style and was similar to other shirts they had worn before. Morgan is excited about a pair of shoes and changes the subject. <center>[[Continue: Organization Meeting]]</center>

Kai and Morgan are both in the same organization on campus and absolutely love it! Kai notices at their monthly meeting Morgan is not there. Kai texts Morgan to ask them where they are and if they are coming. Kai is left on-read. After the meeting, Kai goes by Morgan’s dorm to see if they are there. However, Morgan is nowhere to be seen. Kai texts Morgan again and just says “Hey, are you doing okay?” They are left on-read again and Kai goes home. The next morning, Kai wakes up to a text from Morgan saying “Hey, sorry about not replying I was with Alex and they had my phone while we were hanging out.” Kai thought it was strange that Alex had Morgan’s phone. Kai plans to ask Morgan at their study session tomorrow what was going on. <center>[[Continue: Study Session]]</center>

At their study session, Morgan arrives late and is wearing a hoodie. Kai finds this weird because it is a nice, warm, sunny day. While studying, Morgan seems distant and distracted. After 30 minutes, Kai stands up to go to the restroom and accidentally knocks the water cup over and it spills on Morgan’s sleeve. Kai gasps and apologizes while grabbing napkins but Morgan says it’s okay and just pushes up their sleeve. When Morgan does this Kai notices the bruise on their arm and asks where Morgan got the bruise. Morgan becomes defensive and says it’s nothing. When Kai presses on about how Morgan got the bruise, Morgan becomes agitated and states they need to leave in order not to be late meeting Alex. Kai believes they may understand what is going on, and wants to talk more with Morgan about the relationship with Alex. <center> [[Continue: Dinner Double Date]]

Kai thinks Alex is being controlling, and maybe even more abusive than that. Kai decides they would like to meet Alex, and schedules to go on a double date with their partner, Alex, and Morgan. When arriving at the restaurant, Kai immediately notices that Alex is not letting Morgan leave their side and barely get a word in. Everyone takes their seats and begins to look at the menu. Kai knows this is Morgan’s favorite restaurant, BJ’s, and they always get the Parmesan-Crusted Chicken. While deciding to order, Kai overhears Alex tell Morgan not to get the chicken dish because Morgan is getting “chubby” and should get a salad instead. Kai can see that Morgan is looking downward, trying to hold in tears but nods “yes” to what Alex is saying. </center>[[Continue: Escalation]]</center>

After the dinner, Kai and their partner are walking to their car when Kai overhears Alex arguing with Morgan. Kai looks over and sees Alex grab Morgan’s arm, causing Morgan to wince in pain. Please select what you would do in Kai’s position. [[Direct: Do something yourself.]] [[Delegate: Ask someone else to get involved.]] [[Distract: Think of a distraction that will diffuse the situation or calm things down in the moment.]] [[Ignore: Not do anything about the situation at hand.]]

Direct Options Which direct option would you do? Option 1: Approach Morgan and Alex and address the way Alex is speaking with Morgan Option 2: Approach Morgan and Alex and ask if Morgan is alright and would rather have you drive them home. <center>[[Direct Option 1]] or [[Direct Option 2]]</center>

Delegate Options Which delegate option would you do? Option 1: Call the manager of the restaurant and tell them about the argument between Morgan and Alex Option 2: Ask your partner to intervene with you. <center>[[Delegate Option 1]] or [[Delegate Option 2]]

Distract Options Which distract option would you do? Option 1: Yell over to Morgan and say “I forgot we have a test tomorrow! I really need to study. Will you study with me?” Option 2: Make your car alarm go off to diffuse the yelling and then ask Morgan to run in the restaurant to ask for car assistance with you. <center>[[Distract Option 1]] or [[Distract Option 2]]

Ignore Option Option: You decide not to get involved and get into the car and drive away with your partner. Morgan continues to date Alex and begins to drift away from you. <center> Go to [[Conclusion and Resources]]

Alex denies their mistreatment towards Morgan. However, you persist in the idea that Alex is not treating Morgan correctly and takes Morgan back to your place for the night. That night Kai and Morgan talk, and Morgan decides they want to seek help on the relationship with Alex. You and Morgan go together the next morning to Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS). <center> Go to [[Conclusion and Resources]]

Alex interjects that Morgan is fine, and they will be taking Morgan to their place. You do not agree and take Morgan away from the situation and drive them to your place for the night. That night you and Morgan talk and they decide to seek help on the relationship with Alex. You and Morgan go together the next morning to Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS). <center> Go to [[Conclusion and Resources]]

Dating and domestic violence can take many shapes and forms and can happen in any part of the relationship. Kai and Morgan were in a difficult position, one being the bystander and one being harmed. Green Dot bystander intervention training tries to develop a community that is educated in intervening even in these difficult situations. Campus resources:<ul><li><a href="https://shs.tamu.edu/" target="_blank"style="color:#73D673"> Student Health Services</a></li><li><a href="https://studentlife.tamu.edu/wrc/" target="_blank"style="color:#73D673"> Women's Resource Center</a></li><li><a href="https://upd.tamu.edu/Pages/Home.aspx" target="_blank"style="color:#73D673">Texas A&M University Police Department</a></li><li><a href="https://caps.tamu.edu/" target="_blank"style="color:#73D673">Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS)</a></li><li><a href="https://liberalarts.tamu.edu/psychology/about/psychology-clinic/" target="_blank"style="color:#73D673">Texas A&M Psychology Clinic</a></li><li><a href="https://titleix.tamu.edu/" target="_blank"style="color:#73D673">Title IX Reporting either online or in-person</a></li></ul> Off-Campus resources:<ul><li><a href="https://www.bswhealth.com/locations/college-station-university-drive-clinic/?y_source=1_MTM0MTE1MTctNzE1LWxvY2F0aW9uLndlYnNpdGU%3D" target="_blank"style="color:#73D673">Baylor Scott and White Medical Center</a></li><li><a href="https://www.sarcbv.org/" target="_blank"style="color:#73D673">Sexual Assault Resource Center</a></li><li><a href="https://www.cstx.gov/departments___city_hall/police" target="_blank"style="color:#73D673">College Station or Bryan Police Department</a></li><li><a href="https://www.twincitymission.org/domestic-violence-services" target="_blank"style="color:#73D673">Twin City Mission Domestic Violence Services</a></li></ul> <center>Continue to [[Discussion Questions]]</center>

The manager of the restaurant comes outside to deescalate the situation. They mention that they've contacted the police, and an officer is on the way. When the officer arrives, they ask Alex to go home and ask Morgan to stay with you. The police suggest Morgan to file a report for dating violence with the police. Morgan goes with the police and files a report and gets a restraining order against Alex. <center> Go to [[Conclusion and Resources]]

You and your partner tell Alex to back off and go home. You take Morgan back to your place for the night. <center> Go to [[Conclusion and Resources]]

Morgan agrees and you and Morgan go to a nearby cafe. You comfort Morgan and ask them to tell you what has been going on if Morgan is comfortable speaking about it. <center> Go to [[Conclusion and Resources]]

Alex and Morgan stop yelling due to the confusion and Morgan agrees to go into the restaurant with you. In the restaurant, they find a corner to sit down at and you comfort Morgan and ask them to tell you what has been going on if Morgan is comfortable speaking about it. <center> Go to [[Conclusion and Resources]]

Discussion Questions What were some of the barriers Kai faced? What are some of the barriers you would have faced if you were in the same position as Kai? What are some of the red dots that occurred? What are some proactive Green Dots you can practice in your daily life, that would send a message that dating violence is unacceptable? <center>[[The End]]</center>

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